she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
