Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Randomize
