Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
