If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
