He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
