There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
