Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My vagina is very pro this idea
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
