mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Randomize
