I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
