I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
