just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
