Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
