It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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