I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
How external is "for external use only"?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
