Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
