I puked a lego.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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