At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
