I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
