it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I didn't shave. On purpose
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
