she woke up with a sticky ear
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
