if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
