Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
