party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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