clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
