What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
