I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
