Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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