You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
40s are totally the cure
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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