he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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