he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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