I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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