ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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