Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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