she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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