I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
