he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
