Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
