Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Randomize
