After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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