found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
