we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
