census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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