Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
