If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
birth control should be required to get into college
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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