Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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