You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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