Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
