Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
