Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
