i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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