Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
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