omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
