The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
