I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
