so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
